SOLUTION FOCUSED WORKSHOP FOR SINGLES & COUPLES

MONDAY, OCTOBER 9 2017
6:15 - 9:15 P.M.
1100 N. BEECH ST., BLDG 8
NORMAL, IL

Learn invaluable tools to bust your knee jerk reactions and choose useful responses, respectful of both you and your partner.

Click for more information (PDF file)



CREATE YOU!

The Short Answer:

  1. What feeds your soul? Lights you up? Energizes you? Keeps you feeling ALIVE?!
  2. THAT'S YOU! THAT'S WHO YOU REALLY ARE - THE ONE BEING IN THOSE ACTIVITIES! Look for baby step opportunities to bring more and more of that into your life.
    • Dancing feeds my soul. I finally took beginning ballroom a few years ago. When I was there, I was constantly smiling; it feels SOOOOOO GOOD. That's how you know what feeds you.
  3. Spend a few moments brainstorming how your life will be different when you have incorporated what feeds your soul. BE SPECIFIC!
  4. Daily - FOR A FEW SECONDS - engage your childlike imagination to put yourself into that future life so vividly that you FEEL YOUR INSIDES SIZZLING WITH ALIVENESS AS THOUGH YOU ARE THERE THIS VERY SECOND!
  5. After your visualization, write down what you FEEL grateful for IN THIS MOMENT. Not the big, pie in the sky stuff like health, freedom, and mothers; the LITTLE stuff like snuggy covers when you wake up, pitter patter of rain, soft warm socks, your dog or cat wagging it's tail at you, cool orange juice on your tongue. Don't THINK of it - ASK yourself, "What am I grateful for this moment?" The key: LISTEN!!
  6. KEYSTONE: The answer or solution is almost always to listen - inside & outside!!

The Long Answer:

Most of us have programming that blocks our ability to engage the above approach readily; and/or we haven't yet honed our ability to secure food and lodging (support ourselves) with our Soul's favorite food (what we love to do). Thus, it becomes a process of deprogramming what has stopped you, WHILE putting one foot in front of the other - enthusiastically.

The Deprogramming Approach:

  1. Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes. Brainstorm what you really want - write it down.
    3 RULES:
    • NO EDITING
    • NO JUDGING
    • IGNORE THE "BE REASONABLE" VOICE
  2. Ok, now that you've (probably) described what you DON'T want ... start again with a new 5 or 10 minutes, and challenge yourself to write what will be in its place when what you don't want is gone! NOTE: If you actually wrote what you want, CONGRATULATIONS! That's uncommon - our attention is usually preoccupied with what's wrong. We are intimately familiar with that, and even though we recognize how destructive it is, we are seduced into focusing on getting rid of it without a thought to what would be in its place.

    YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FOR ME TO HELP YOU TO DISCOVER THE PATH FROM HERE TO THERE.

    The unconscious mind does not recognize negatives. Focus on NOT spilling the milk, and the mind has to think about spilling milk before it can get to NOT spilling. By that time get out the mop! Tell your children/grandchildren to keep the milk in the glass - and tell yourself what you want unapologetically, and enthusiastically!

    If you tell your mind that you don't want:
    negativity • anxiety • unhappiness • depression • bad relationship • overdrawn bank account • excess weight • illness
    in your life, that's EXACTLY what you're giving your unconscious to focus on.

    By Universal Law (the Law of Vibration) you will continue to attract that. Here's how it works:

    1. You focus on what you don't want.
    2. You FEEL yucky (technical term).
    3. That feeling has a vibration (everything is energy = KEYSTONE) which is moving from you out into the world.
    4. Like attracts like (another Universal Law), so the Universe sends you back the same vibration. VOILA! You get what you don't want!

    KEYSTONE: Remember: Do what you've always done, and you'll get what you've always gotten . . .

    . . . Therefore -

  3. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT - ANYTHING!

    Some ways you can discover what the "anything" could be:

    1. Simply wondering what it might be.
    2. Brainstorming possibilities - you know the brainstorming rules: reject nothing, write all ideas down, there are no silly or stupid ideas, nothing is too far out, avoid evaluating the ideas, write it down regardless of whether you think you would ever do it.

      Your willingness to entertain any possibility stimulates your out-of-the-box thinking, such that you are more likely to allow space for new, refreshing ideas to emerge, direct from your inner knowing.

    3. Just as you are falling asleep, invite your unconscious to give you a dream about what you need to do - OR to give you an answer as you are awakening in the morning.
    4. Ask a trusted family member or friend for suggestions.
  4. Ok, now that you know what you want, what is stopping you from getting it? You might be tempted to say, "It's my spouse - my kids - my boss - not enough money," etc. Before you jump to disempowering yourself by putting your power outside yourself, ask yourself this:
    • WHAT WILL BE DIFFERENT IF I GET WHAT I WANT? _____(answer)____
    • ... And what will that get for me? Listen ______(answer)_____
    • ... And what will that get for me? Listen _____(answer)_______

    Continue to ask yourself that question for each new answer - & listen, several times AD NAUSEUM (but only if you REALLY want what you want). That will take you to what you are really pursuing - which ultimately (only if you do it AD NAUSEUM) is the same thing everyone wants except in YOUR OWN WORDS!! - your unique experience of "it," which is far more inspiring than words that I or someone else might suggest to you.

  5. An even more difficult question to get at on your own is "What will I have to give up to get what I want?" Again, it's a LISTENING exercise, not a figuring out exercise. Return to #3 for ideas to access that intuitive knowing.
  6. Now return to "what stops me". What barriers have you created that keep you from creating the self and the life that is a full expression of your soul?

    These "stories" will fit into the four categories that Richard Moss, M.D. identifed as the stories that pull us out of our Center: Past Stories, Future Stories, Stories about your self, and Stories about other people/events/things in your life. Together with your true Center, they make up a powerful tool called The Mandala of Being™, created by, and the subject of, Richard Moss' book by the same name.

    It is from this Center that you can "hear" your deepest knowing and wisdom that guides you to create the life that serves you and those around you, and is the fullest expression of your soul.

    Hearing that still, small voice requires spaciousness - a relaxed body and mind, because that wisdom comes from deep in your energetic body - NOT YOUR BRAIN!!

    It's the same principle that's operating when you are wracking your brain to find some misplaced item. It is only when you take a break from the search and relax with a cup of tea, or go outside for a breath of fresh air, or have a relaxed chat with someone, that it suddenly occurs to you where to look. And then we marvel that we couldn't THINK where that was.

    Your inner knowing knows all. Make friends with it, become so accustomed to your spacious place, that tension and stress are the unusual; that your spacious place captures your attention quickly before you spin out. Then, and only then, can you use your tools to come back to YOU!

    To the degree that we are out of our Center at any given moment is the degree to which we are on "auto" - in our reactive, programmed mode vs. in conscious, intentional choice; reacting in our programmed survival defenses: snapping at our spouses, children, coworkers, binging on food, alcohol, exercise, shopping, complaining, blaming, business, work.

Once you basically understand who you really are (and are not) a major - if not THE major - block to being this true self, is that we are so accustomed to living at some level of stress, that the tension does not capture our attention until an illness occurs, or we burst into anger, or what captures our attention is peace and calm; as when you go on a two week vacation, and at the end of the first week you realize it has taken you the entire week to "unwind." You didn't realize how tense you were. And WOW!, does that ever free up energy!

THE TRICK: We want to flip that: have internal peace and calm as the modus operandi that you are used to, so when tense/stressed, your internal peace and calm immediately capture your attention, giving you the opportunity to use the tools you are accumulating.